I don’t know about you, but I put a lot of extra unnecessary pressure on myself this past week. We just finished week 2 of the dance season. I thought I would be able to get more accomplished for each class ahead of time, keep my apartment clean, stay healthy, and make plans to go out with friends. I have been able to keep up with some, but not all of these hopes. I realized I needed to address my anxiety, learn some new tools, and pray about it.
I have shared about my anxiety before. I did 6 weeks of health coaching a little over a year ago to help, and it did. I thought that switching jobs would help me not experience it again. For a while it did work, until this week. I was starting to get in my car after work and feeling like I could burst into tears. I sat on my couch for hours watching New Girl on Netflix multiple nights because I was too exhausted from the day to want to do anything else.
I got out my weighted blanket, used my oils, and let myself be. I prayed and wondered why the church includes anxiety as a sin when I felt like it was out of my control. I felt like my body was struggling to cope with the knowledge of Covid still being around and that the world has shut down once already – it could happen again. I knew that I was safe; I can take care of myself and my space. I needed to learn more or try something new to get through this week.
I had heard of the book “Try Softer” by Audi Kolber from a few different influencers on Instagram. I bought it a while ago and as I looked at my unread bookshelf, this book held my attention the most. So far, two chapters in, I really love it! It gives a little bit of Jesus, a little bit of science, examples of experiences from others, and reflection questions at the end of each chapter.
Because of these reflection questions I realized that my anxiety stemmed from the last time I taught 20 some classes each week was the year covid hit hard, the shut down happened, and all of my work was done for those classes. We never got to perform. Almost all of my choreography was taught, costumes had been sent home, and they never got to perform. I never got to say good bye as I switched where I was teaching. I have a sense that that could happen again as I am teaching a similar class load. I do not plan on switching studios again. I know that people are still getting Covid. I pray that we do not have to go through the trauma of another shut down.
Along with learning about trying softer, I knew I needed to get back into reading the Bible. So I did a 5 day plan on the You Version App called Alabaster Jar. It talked for 5 days about Mary and Martha and about how sitting at Jesus feet is the right place to be, and using expensive oils on Jesus feet was a beautiful thing. I thinking to myself about how I have heard these stories hundreds of times before, and wondering why the same two stories were on repeat in a 5 day plan. Then it hit me. I have been too busy worrying about earthly things, and spending time in my faith needed to be more of a priority. I need to make time available to spend working on my faith.
I knew that in order to allow myself grace, I needed to be able to physically and psychologically calm down. I have a set of tools that I can use to do so, and am learning about new tools often as I keep learning that anxiety comes and goes as we experience things that remind us of past traumas. I knew that I also needed to remind myself of God’s grace for me. It is something I have known my whole life, but I need to remember that I not alone. I am loved. God wants to hear from me, and you too.
Giving myself grace right now in my season looks like…
Daily – shower, drink water, take a breath of fresh air, pray and read at least one bible verse
Weekly – taking time to read and learn, letting cleaning happen when I have time, and making sure I have future plans with friends on my calendar
Everything else is a bonus!
Changing schedules is hard! Making new routines is hard! Try Softer. Have grace with yourself. Make time to take care of your self. Acknowledge your anxiety. Learn where it is coming from. Use your tools to get through it. Pray. Lean on the people God has made you cross paths with.
“Grace doesn’t seem fair until you need some.” – Bob Goff
“Grant yourself the grace that it is okay to not always be okay.” – unknown
“I don’t know exactly what’s next, but I’m stepping forward with grit anchored in grace.” – Julie Graham
A Time for... Everything 
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